Irked is a Funny Word

My chair is broken. And not broken like it needs to repent of it's sins because it feels terrible about the way it treated my desk last week, broken like every time I lean back the hydraulics give out and I slowly lose a solid 10 inches of height at my desk. This may be my bosses way of making sure I don't get too comfortable and lean back while I am supposed to be anxiously pouring over my work, but I think he has better things to do. Things like work on getting approval from the board to get us all iPads and Segways for Christmas (this is totally going to happen* and the best part is that it's all coming straight out of the Children's ministry budget).

*This will never happen, not in a thousand years, even when iPads are featured on VH1's Remember the 2010's and the thought of someone still owning one is considered "retro".

There are a few things in this world that really irk me, things that when they happen I clinch my molars in disgust or passive aggressively make a sarcastic comment at. I began to notice my irkiness at certain things one day when my then roommate would come into my truck and place his things on my dashboard. No big deal, just things on a dash, until I touch the gas pedal at all and they go flying everywhere, particularly in my face and then we get in an accident because he was being all willy nilly with the placement of his things. Regardless, I noticed I had issues, here are some things I have issues with.

1. 15 items or less means just that, unless there is no other line open

Look really mean elderly woman, I don't want to be in this line any more than you do, but there is no other line open right now and my frozen waffles are getting soggy, so if you don't mind I was in front of you and your "sprouts".

2. Biting Ice

I don't bite ice, I would never do such a thing therefore it is out of the realm of possibility, but hearing other people do this is the worst thing anyone could ever do to me. It should be no surprise that I love listening my wife, but she loves chewing on ice and frankly it is the only time I get to cover my ears and say "la la la la la" as loud as I possibly can. One ice chewer in the family no big deal, but now our son is ice chewing as well and if you go to her family's house to have a refreshing beverage you might as well be listening to a man carving an ice sculpture, of people chewing ice.

3. Ambiguity

4. Family Sidewalkers

I get it, you are really cute in your matching turtlenecks, you haven't seen each other in a long time and now you are Christmas shopping for those less fortunate, that is awesome. I love helping the needy and turtlenecks as much as the next guy but just don't line up four wide when you are walking on the sidewalk. Some of us who are way more impatient and thrive on moving quickly need to pass you and save the 15 seconds of our lives you would have wasted.

I know we are supposed to be all happy and jolly this time of year but seriously, we are all friends, what are some things that irk you?