What'd I Just Say?

As I was walking into church this morning with my wife and two kids we ran into our good friends the Silvas.  They have been parents now for about 5 months and are very much into the swing of parenthood.  I know this because as we approached the church Denver asked his wife if she remembered the 'Horsey.'  He was referencing the unicornesque stuffed animal that is one of their kid's favorite toys, but hearing a man as rugged as Denver watering down a word to make it more kid friendly made me laugh a bit and simultaneously lose respect for him as a man.  I started thinking about all of the hits my manhood has taken by the change in language that occurred when a kid popped out of my wife.  Here are a few words that I never would have said as bachelor but now are in my everyday vocabulary:

1. Cute- Sounds innocent enough right?  Wrong.  I can feel the testosterone leaving my body any time I say, "Sarah, Micah looks so cute in that sweater vest and button up shirt outfit today."  It is like that word is the thorn and manliness is the inflatable raft you bought this summer at Walgreens for 7.99, if they ever touch, it is gone forever.   Sounds innocent, and that is the problem, it sounds innocent.

2.  Y, EY, IE, S- These are suffixes that have the power to emasculate any word within a five mile radius.   Even gross words are disarmed by these suffixes, poopy, toots, tinkles, etc.  If you utter words with these suffixes it is quite possible your facial hair will fall out and you will start smelling better immediately.  At first it sounds like a good trade off, all you have to do is add a Y to the end of a word and you don't have to shave anymore, sweet.  You are wrong though, who is the last man you respected without any facial hair that isn't me?  Thats what I thought, none men, and my grammar is incorrect because it made me feel more good about I as a manly.

3.  Potty- Being in the midst of potty training with Cooper I say this word hundreds of times a day, in fact the most commonly heard phrase in our house right now is, "Cooper, do you have to go tinkles on the potty?"  Really!? A twenty year old version of myself would have beat me up for saying anything even remotely close to that.

4.  Paci  (Pass-ee)- Is in Pacifier shortened.  This is a word that I thought was a good compromise at first because I wasn't going to be caught dead saying "binky."  It doesn't matter if it is binky, paci, or meemer, they all sound like sound effects for a terrible action movie.  You know how Chuck Norris is going to die? I do.  He is going to say the word 'paci' and roundhouse kick himself in the mouth for saying it.

5.  Bah-bah- As in bottle.  Bah-bah isn't bad, for a one year old they can say it and they know what you are referring to so it isn't so much baby talk for the sake of baby talk but rather for the sake of communication, it is his evil twin brother with a creepstache that stays home online talking to hot chicks that I have an issues with, bah-bahs.  It is an abbreviation of the actual word combined with the emasculating suffix of 'S' that causes this word to be so disarming to manhood that if uttered you are forced to buy an American-Girl doll and take it with you everywhere.  It is a terrible occurrence but I have seen it happen, twice.

In reality I don't have beef with any of these words as I use them on a regular basis but still enjoy watching baseball even if I don't understand the rules or chatting over a warm cup of coffee cuddled in a soft blanket with my BFF. Crap.

Moms and Dads, what are some words that entered into your home when a baby did?  I really am interested to hear these, please leave your comments below.  Happy Monday.